Tips For Co-Parenting After A Divorce
Divorce is one of the most stressful and painful situations you will ever endure. The person that you loved and that you believed loved you is now breaking away. Everything you have accomplished, everything you have accumulated, and even your child must be divided between the two of you.
As if those heart-wrenching issues were not enough, you have to acknowledge that there will be new life partners and your child will be part of their lives as well. Our Walnut Creek divorce lawyers know this very well.
It is not going to be easy, but it is time to stow away your emotions. You are entitled to them, but you cannot operate from them. When you are ready, seek the help of a therapist to help you heal. But in the day to day life, your child needs to feel secure, and they cannot feel secure if their parent is out of control. Here are some tips:
• Treat your ex with respect. Show your child that people can disagree without resulting to name calling, cursing, and speaking to people with contempt.
• Never let emotions of any kind (fear, anger, or sadness) lead you. Your brain knows what to do and how to do it. Use it. Do not obey emotions because it will not end well.
• Set up a monthly calendar and post it on a website. If you find it hard to talk to your ex, note them. Communication is king. But, sometimes it is difficult. So, use your smartphone, social media (set to private), and other ways to keep in touch and know what is coming up and who’s turn it is to help. When it is in writing, there is no excuse for mistakes.
• Keep disagreements or arguments private. It may seem old-fashioned, but it is unhealthy to expose children to adult problems. Children have a way of assuming the blame and it hurts them. Yelling at each other over who is supposed to take the kids to practice doesn’t do anything except make the children feel bad because they have practice.
• Remember how to ask? When we are married, we become used to saying things like, “I need you to take Zoey to dance class, I have a meeting.” But you are not married. You are business partners. Your business is raising your kids. If you were talking to a co-worker, you would ask for a favor. So, your new way of talking is “Could you possibly take Zoey to dance class? I know it’s my turn, but I have an unexpected meeting.” That simple change gets you respect from your ex and teaches your children how we treat other people.
Money causes more arguments than any other topic. Raising kids costs money. Being late with child support causes big problems. The flip side is an ex-spending ton of money on a new partner, traveling, or buying expensive items, while you are pinching pennies to buy your son’s football uniform is infuriating. But, please do not point this out to your child. Do not point out that their mother or father cares more about a sports car than them having food on the table.
It all comes down to communication, respect, and adulting, according to our child custody and visitation lawyers. Find another adult or a counselor to vent the feelings and emotions. But, let your child live in their perfect world, loving both parents.
For more information, speak to our child custody and visitation attorneys today.